Canada’s Dark Ages

Canada, welcome to the Dark Side, buahhahhh. Hey, I recognize a couple of familiar faces: Bush, Rumsfeld, Rice. Hey folks, we’re here too!!!

Ah ah *insert sarcasm here*. I can’t say I am surprised. I’ve had about three weeks to get used to the idea. Somehow, I am still stunned. It seems surreal.

Am I the only one who thinks that the Conservative party doesn't represent Canadian values? Let's take a look at Canada's Newcomer Guide. This document provides information about the Canadian way of life to newcomers. I have some news for Citizenship and Immigration Canada. They will have to seriously revise the Newcomer’s Guide. I couldn’t help but have a chuckle when I read about our ‘shared values which guide and influence much of our everyday life”.

Let's see:

"Fairness, tolerance and respect. Canadians want fairness and justice for themselves, their children and their families. And most are fair and just to others, no matter who they are or where they come from."

Harper’s Note: Our government will “preserve and protect the family unit “ Newcomer, we have a very narrow definition of ‘family’ in our country. It certainly does not include homosexual families. We're also giving a big $1,200 a year to each child for daycare. It's $5 per day. It's not nothing.

I support a private health care system. That's best for families.

“Immigrants are choking welfare systems, contributing to high unemployment, and many cannot read.”
- Art Hanger, Conservative

"Diversity and cooperation. Canadians understand the value of cooperation. In a country as large and diverse as Canada, people must be able to learn to resolve or ignore small conflicts in order to live happily and peacefully."

Harper’s Note: Newcomer, please ignore my behaviour at the House of Commons during the past year and half. Under exceptional circumstances, Canadians are allowed to be aggressive and uncooperative.

Quebec is also an exception. They are welcomed to separate.

One more exception, the Prime Minister only speaks to the media on his/her own terms. Right now, I just don’t feel like it.

Finally, we should have been involved in Iraq.

"Equal opportunity. Canadians believe in equality. Each person is equal before the law and is treated equally by the law. Women and men have the same opportunity for success. Canadians let people live as they wish, as long as they do not limit how others live."

Harper’s Note: Women, not so much Newcomer. We don’t support abortion. My wife who kept her maiden name went by Harper during the campaign according to my own party’s recommendation.

“There's a particular reason why Jesus called men only. It's not that women aren't co-participators. It's because Jesus knew women would naturally follow. Men, on the other hand, had to be called.” -David Sweet, Conservative MP

When comparing abortion to beheading: “We saw that young American having his head cut off. What's happening, what is happening down there no different.”
-Cheryl Gallant, Conservative MP.

"Civil responsibility. Canadians appreciate their rights and freedoms, which are the same without regard to gender, race, or ethnicity. Most also want to contribute to our society."

Harper’s Note: This is a bit tricky. As a Newcomer, you have to understand that all Canadians are equal, but some are more equal. For example, gays and lesbians are equal to all Canadians, but I am opposed to same-sex marriage. Know what I mean?

I also believe that the nonwithstanding clause should be used, but ONLY to overwrite the rights of minorities.

"The fact don't matters"
-Rondo Thomas, Conservative candidate

"Environmental responsibility. Canadians are especially conscious of their natural environment and the need to both respect and protect it for the future. Canadians believe that economic growth should not come at the expense of a healthy environment and social well-being."

Harper’s Note: Newcomer, I agree with all of this, except when it comes to Kyoto.

Harper’s Final Note: The Newcomer Guide definitely needs an update. My government is currently working on the New Newcomer Guide. In the mean time, I suggest you read about American values. It will give you a good head start.

*Quotes are courtesy of Rick Mercer's blog.

*Sigh*

Make some room in the Bible Belt, Alberta is on its way! Make more room, Saskatchewan and Manitoba are coming too! Déjà vu? The demographic MTV effect is now political: No Conservative MPs have been elected in Montreal, Toronto or Vancouver. The three largest urban centers (12 million people) are not represented by the party in power. Creepy.

I am actually not too scared about the damage Harper can cause with a minority government. Nothing concrete will ever be achieved, but he can’t do too much destruction. What terrifies me is the next election. He is going to play Mr. Nice Guy for as long as he is in power. Why would he even bother bringing up any controversial issues such as abortion and gay marriage? With 60% of the House being left-wing, he is fully aware none of his outdated policies would stand a ‘free vote’. His hypocrisy will gain the confidence and votes of the masses. Next election, he will win *gulp* a majority. And then BOOMMMMM!!! His true colours will show.

Since I can’t leave my readers disheartened, I shall end this entry on a positive note. Hmm… hmm…*thinking*….*thinking harder*… Eureka. This situation should provide enough time for the Liberal party to do a clean sweep. Being the majority of the minority (ah!?), they are going to call the next election. Hopefully, they’ll pick a strategic time.