The Little Lucy Stoners In Me

Even after 2.5 years of marriage, I am still referred to as Smarties HisLastName. This really irritates the little Lucy Stoners in me. I kept my birth name (“maiden is another irritant of mine) because I hate doing things ‘just because’. I dislike traditions and I dislike patriarchal traditions even more. I have a career, two degrees, and publications in my birth name.

Most importantly, I kept my birth name because there are not enough valid reasons to change it! Here’s what I have to say to the 90% of women who use the following arguments to rationalize their choice.

* It’s tradition.

It’s an archaic patriarchal tradition through which women became their husband’s property after being their father’s property. Women also stayed home to raise children in the name of tradition. Thankfully, only a small minority of women still argue that this tradition should be followed.

* I want to start OUR family.

Rather amusing. If you really wanted to start "OUR" family, you would BOTH change your names (merge them, hyphenate, etc). By changing YOUR name to HIS, you are becoming part of HIS family.

* Unity of the family: I want the same last name as my children.

Here's a thought: Children don't have to be given their father's name. Why not the mother's name? Why not both? There are no legal rules about naming children, only traditions. The child can have your last name or even both of your names. It’s a common practice in Quebec.

* Children are going to be confused.

There were 1.4 million lone-parent families in 2002 (StatCan) . That’s 16% of all families. Add to this the number of step, blended, and other type of family arrangements we probably can’t even imagine in our wildest dream and you end up with several millions of confused children. That’s underestimating children’s intelligence to think that they will be confused. Even children living in complex family situations can positively identify their parents.

* I was given my father’s name at birth, what difference does it make if I take my husband’s name?

The difference is that you’re a grown up woman and you can make choices now. Should women who were abused by their father allow their husband to abuse them? Let me think. Hmm. No.

Another annoyance of mine is to be referred to as “Mrs.” which implies that I am a married woman. “Mr.” does not refer to a married man. Why should women be identified by their marital status?

And I am positively not Mrs. HisFirstName HisLastName. I did not change my last name nor my first name! For future reference, I am Ms. Smarties.

My name is the symbol for my identity and must not be lost
–Lucy Stone League